A Frequent Hope
by Shirley Jean
Summary: ALTERNATE STORY/ ENDING…"FREQUENCY - DREW BURKE STORY'… …The story picks up after John and Roy answer the call of a traffic accident with John's friend, Officer Drew Burke being the victim. It always bothered me that John was left alone to deal with the situation without a chaplain as protocol dictates...so...I took creative liberties...and what if's...My first fanfic!
1. Chapter 1 - Updated!

ALTERNATE STORY/ ENDING…"FREQUENCY - DREW BURKE STORY'…

…The story picks up where John and Roy answer the call of a traffic accident with John's friend, Officer Drew Burke being the victim. However, in this story, I am taking some creative liberties, and not only is Drew John's good friend,.. but his sister, Traci, is John's girlfriend for the past 6 months. The story picks up with John having just told Pam in the waiting room about Drew…it has always bothered me that John was left alone there…with no chaplain there from the police department as protocol dictates. This picks up from that point…with creative liberties, as Traci, Drew's younger sister by two years, works at the hospital as an Assistant Therapist, and hadn't been able to be reached by phone. She was due into work her shift in the next ten minutes…with that in mind,..the story will be altered from the televised version/storyline a bit…

**E **E **E ** E** E**E **E ** E **E **E **E **E **E

…As if the life had been forcibly sucked out if him, and without a bit of color left in him, John leaned heavily against the wall in the hall…wishing with all he had that this was just a horrible nightmare. He closed his eyes, squinting the unshed tears away that he had fought back in bravery for Pam's sake. They slipped freely down his cheek…He tried to brush them aside with the back of his hand. Dix and Roy re-appeared, after having walked away to afford him the privacy they felt they owed, as they felt they were intruding upon him when he was with his dear friends' wife. Roy placed a brotherly hand on John's shoulder,…hoping it would bring some sort of comfort.

"You okay?" Roy softly asked,..already knowing the answer. John just sighed. He looked at Dixie, asking with his eyes the question he hoped she had the answer for.

"She isn't here yet, John…I have already alerted the hospital chaplain – he is waiting for her, so is Kel. The Police Chaplain take Pam and the baby home?" Another sigh and a slight nod was his answer.

"He and I called her & Drew's family,.." His voice cracked with emotion. "Her best friend is waiting at the house for her to help…God, Roy…how am I gonna tell Traci?" John again fought to keep his composure,…pinching the bridge of his nose to find his restraint.

"John, I'm gonna call Cap and get us replacements…fill him in…you okay for a few minutes…can I get you anything?" Roy said comfortingly, patting John's shoulder. Dixie had already quietly slipped away, giving the friends some alone time, and a chance to intercept Traci's arrival to the PT floor. In his moment of solitude, John leaned his head once again back against the wall…closing his eyes. A bright and cheery voice broke his reverie, along with her loving arms finding their way around his waist.

"There's my handsome fireman! I saw the squad outside…I figured you guys were in here! What a great way to start my day!" Traci's beautiful brown hair, striking blue eyes, and petite frame – she was so amazing. John looked down at her – God, she was beautiful – so beautiful. He enveloped her in a hug – such a deep, tight hug, and buried his face in her neck and shoulder, without saying a word, and refused to let her go. Traci knew something was wrong, and clung just as tightly to him…scared that something had happened to one of his fellow firefighters,…

"Johnny…what is it? Are you allright?" He still just held her…a tear managed to escape and land on her shoulder.

"Baby,..what is it? Is it Roy? Did something happen to Roy? " John straightened back up, looking into Traci's eyes,

"Sweetheart…Roy's fine, he's in the lounge. It's, a, something happened today,….I hafta tell you, we need to go sit down…okay?" Traci locked eyes with John, this man that she fully loved and trusted.

"Johnny, I don't understand, you're scaring me, just tell me…please!"

John took a deep breath, and looked painfully into Traci's eyes.

"Baby,…there was an accident today, and, it's Drew. He, he a, was a riding on the freeway and a car didn't see him." Traci's eyes began to spill over with tears. Her breathing quickened. John felt her hold on him tighten. Her knees began to weaken.

"He was bleeding internally, and Dr, Brackett, he, ah," John's voice wavered with emotion. "He did emergency surgery."

Traci looked longingly into John's eyes searching for hope looking for the answers she was hoping to find. Her voice barely a whisper, she asked the question he was dreading to have to answer.

"So, Dr. Brackett did the surgery, right? a-and Drew, he's in ICU now? So it's going to be touch and go, b-but Drew's stubborn, and tough, he'll pull through he'll make it, right?" she sniffed, and nodded with a slight nod, trying to convince herself that all was going to be fine. John caught Roy's eye, who was standing at a distance in the background, not wanting to intrude, watching his best friends' heart break – again – into a million pieces.

"Traci,…Sweetheart, I'm sorry, Brackett couldn't stop the hemorrhaging. He, ah, did all he could…I'm so sorry…" Traci eyes registered a look of shock as she tried to take in what was just said. All color left her face, as did the strength in her legs. John got ahold of her, and Roy stepped up to assist him in getting her to the familiar waiting area to sit down, where John had been with Pam, not less than an hour ago. John slid his hands behind Traci's neck to try to tilt her head up to get her to focus on his face. Roy stepped out, and returned with a cup of water, which he handed to John, and John put up to Traci's lips to get her to take a drink. Roy instinctively took Traci's wrist to check her pulse. Traci took a couple sips of water,…and nodded to John that she had had enough. John stroked her hair, and she put her face in her hands, and let the tears come unbidden. After a few minutes, Traci composed herself, and looked up at John.

"Pam…I have to tell Pam." wiping a tear from her cheek, John whispered,

"I told her, she's at home with the chaplain now." Traci settled into John's arms, letting her emotions free. By now, Dixie and Kel Brackett had joined them in the waiting room, and were having a quiet discussion with Roy. After John and Traci broke their embrace, Dixie approached Traci, and was keeping a watchful eye on her, as it wasn't too long ago she almost collapsed at the tragic news. Roy was being equally vigilant of his friend, knowing that he was masking all that he felt to take care of those he loved – something he did so well. Seeing that Traci had composed herself and needed a moment with Dixie, he stepped out of the waiting room for a moment. Seeing that he had a moment to talk to him, Roy approached his friend.

"Hey junior, how ya holding up?"

"'Mm Okay, just worried about Traci, she has a lot to deal with, ya know?" John said thoughtfully.

"She isn't the only one, you do too, and I'm here for you, for both of you. " Roy stated, concerned.

"I know Pally and I 'ppreciate it. I'll probly' take you up on that. Hope Brackett cuts her some slack with some time off and all." John nods in Traci's direction as he sees his girlfriend talking to her superior.

"Cap wants me to bring the squad back,..and he's called in a replacement for you for the rest of the day. I figured you would want to take Traci home,..so me and the guys will get your car home for ya. I'll call later to see if you need anything…but I want you to promise me that you will call Jo and me if we can do anything…or if you just need to talk. I don't care what time it is…Do I have your word?" Roy looked at John,…whose sad eyes broke his heart, but he made sure that he made eye contact with his partner, and with a nod from John, Roy patted his shoulder, and headed back to the station.

After a quick hug from Dixie, Traci made her way back to John, and they walked together out of the hospital, to face what was ahead. Both of them were still in the state of shock, losing someone they both loved very much, but knowing they had to help Pam get through it, in any way they could. They reached the parking garage and walked to Traci's car. Traci reached into her bag for her keys and she started to shake, and dropped her keys. John reached down and picked them up for her, and held onto her as she tried to stop shaking. She looked up into his gentle brown eyes, knowing there was pain behind them, and just clung to him for strength, and he held onto her for the same reason. They don't know how much time passed, but they finally got into the car, and just sat, trying to process the empty space in their souls. Traci finally broke the silence.

"What do I do now? I-I don't know, I have to be strong, for Pam, but facing my parents after so long, after all this time..." Her voice barely above a whisper. "They dis-owned me a long time ago, Made it clear that they didn't want to see me or you, but, I-I have to do this for Pam, be there for her, for you."

"No, sweetheart, you don't. You let those of us who love you take care of you." John's voice was soft and soothing. "Are you ready to go to Pam's, Or do you want to go back to my place and wait for me while I change? We can call her from there." Traci took a thoughtful deep breath.

"I think I would like to go to your place…get myself together first…be with you for a while. I'm sure Pam's place is pretty crowded right now…I'll call her when we get there. Okay with you?"

John leaned in and kissed Traci sweetly and passionately. "That's more than okay with me."

He smiled at her, started the engine of the car, and they quietly drove off. They didn't say anything on the drive to the ranch – they didn't need to. Traci just stared out the window…letting her tears slide down her cheeks, un-checked. John held her hand while he drove, letting a tear escape himself. Thank the spirits, or God, if you believe, that he had Traci to help him through this. He knew that she was grieving, and he was going to be there for her, and for Pam. Drew was responsible for He and Traci getting together... He was so grateful for that.

As they pulled in to the ranch, Traci quietly got out, and leaned against the car. John walked around and met her, taking her hand, walking with her to the house, his heart breaking every step of the way. Once inside, They once again found their way into each other's arms, comforting each other. But this time, it was Johnny whose composure was lost. The reality of having to treat one of his best friends in the field,…watching him fade away… it had caught up with him. His body shook and trembled with sobs that he had held back, and now had found their way to the surface.

Cradling the love of her life in her arms on the sofa, Traci did her best to comfort him, stroking his hair, kissing him, holding him, but also allowing him to grieve – He lost someone he loved. As time progressed, Traci kissed his tears, saying nothing…

John's liquid grief subsiding, his soft brown eyes met her saddened royal blue orbs, delivering soft sensual kisses, which deepened into passionate, hungry ones. They needed each other. Traci began fumbling with the buttons of his uniform shirt…and in the heat of increasing passion…John ripped it open, sending buttons flying in many directions. As he pulled off his white t-shirt…Traci scrambled in removing her scrub top…Their pace increased…clothing was removed frantically…He began kissing her so passionately…and she returned it. He glanced at her…so beautiful…she reached for him…his muscular arms…his smooth chest…and she pulled him to her…and his manhood found her…and they made love like they never had before…hungrily…with such eagerness and emotion…and, quite frankly, a bit more "hurried" than they were used to. The pent up grief and emotion and fury needed its' release. Conjoined together in front of the fireplace on the floor, Both were un-willing to move from each others' embrace. John reached up and pulled a quilt down from the sofa, and covered them with it. Traci nestled into John's chest, exhausted and drained. Neither of them knew how long they stayed entwined together there. John stared at the ceiling, feeling guilty.

Stroking Traci's hair, John spoke with a broken, hushed voice.

"I'm so sorry, baby,"

Traci picked her head up and looked into John's guilt-ridden face.

" Oh, sweetheart, what for? You have nothing to be sorry for!" And with that, she tenderly kissed him.

"I guess I just, I don't want our love to be, well, like that." he said, sorrowfully.

"Like what, passionate? Emotional? Baby, we are both in pain right now, and we needed each other. I love you so much, and I needed, no, wanted to be close to you. There was nothing to be sorry for. In fact, I think I was the one that started to rip your shirt off, Fireboy!" a small smile crossed Traci's face. John wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you so much. I just needed you so much, I don't ever want to take you for granted, I wanted to be strong for you." Traci put a finger to John's lips to quiet his words.

"You are one of the strongest men I know, next to my brothe…" Traci stopped talking, paused to regain herself, as a new tear fell down her cheek.

"You are the strongest man I know, John Gage. Don't you forget that. You are everything to me!" John kissed her once more, and made his way to the shower, and Traci joined him. Whatever was ahead, they would be able to get through it – together…


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

They sat quietly in front of the house on East Paris Street. Children and their families were still playing in their yards, riding their bikes, laughing, yelling, barbequing, and carrying on as if there weren't any worries in the world. Don't they know that someone has died today? That the woman that lives in this house, who sent her husband off to work with a kiss, and a "have a great day," is never going to see him walk through the front door again?

It was still too surreal to be believed – especially for Traci. John had tried to face the reality of Drew's horrendous injuries in the field, trying so desperately to save him, being so helpless as he was lost, Then facing Pam, and then Traci – seeing their heartbreak, wondering if he had failed them…

Now they were sitting in front of Drew and Pam's home – a home that he has been to more times than he could count. For dinners, for sports games on TV, cook-outs & yard work, when Drew and Pam brought the baby home from the hospital, when he and Drew tried to build that darn swing-set, and it turned into a scene from a Laurel & Hardy movie because they lost the instructions, and when they set him up with Traci that first night over 7 months ago. John had always loved coming over, spending time with his dear friends. He considered Drew and Pam family. Some regret crept into his soul as he thought about not having been here the past couple months, wishing he had made time.

Now, he didn't even want to get out of his truck. He hurt for Traci – she lost her brother, her closest ally and friend for most of her life, but they had both determined to do whatever it takes to be there for Pam and the baby, to make things easier, and they knew that Pam wanted to see them. This was a time for family to be together.

But after the phone call,…that dreaded phone call that Traci made from John's ranch that reduced Traci to tears, and had caused Johnny to intercede for Traci. He took over for her on the phone when Traci became too upset . Drew and Traci's stepmom had nastily informed them that they weren't needed at the house, that Pam had all the support she needed, and to stay away. They weren't allowed to talk to Pam. Traci was devastated. Traci and Pam had always been close. Pam had made Johnny promise her at the hospital to come to the house. They just thought that emotions were running high. Everyone was just on edge. That had to be the reason.

So what would be waiting for them behind that door? What was he leading his girlfriend into? He was going to protect her, no matter what – she was already fragile. And Pam just lost her husband and life partner, and had her whole world turned upside down. He wasn't about to have THAT woman disrupt Pam's life either, any more than it already has been. His pain at this point was irrelevant – he had loved ones to protect.

He squeezed Traci's hand. She was still gazing out the window, trying to appear brave, but Johnny knew better. Drawing a deep breath, John exited his side of the Rover and walked around and opened Traci's door, offering his hand to her, both for physical and emotional support. She took it as if it were a life line.

Before they took even 3 steps, Vince Howard exited the Burke residence, and was quick to meet John and Traci on the front walk.

'Hey, Traci, John. Traci, I'm so sorry for your loss, your brother was a great guy and a good officer. " Traci raised her gaze to meet Vince has she accepted the slight hug that was offered. At a loss for words, Traci just gave a slight smile and a friendly shoulder pat in return, while John just acknowledged Vince's words with a nod.

As John led Traci to sidestep Vince toward the house, Vince stepped in their way, raising a hand to stop them.

"Ah, John, ah, I came out here to tell you, um, the family has asked me,…" Vince's long pause was taking them both off guard. Traci looked to John for help with the confusion of what Vince was trying to say.

"Vince, we came to be with the family, help Pam with the arrangements. Traci needs to be with her family. What is it you are tryin' to say?" John asked with sadness in his voice. Traci leaned into John for support.

"John, Drew's family, they, um, have sent me out here to, ah, God, I hate this, " Vince's hesitation made Traci's tears begin again, and John's pallor turn pale with what he anticipated was coming.

"Traci, John, they want me to send you two away. They are pretty upset, and to avoid upsetting Pam any further, I thought I would, ah, talk to you out here." Traci could no longer hold her feelings inside. John put his arms around her, trying to offer comfort, his own pain evident on his face.

"John, I'm sorry man, I didn't know what else do to. Things are pretty tense in there, and after your phone call, well,.."

"Vince, Traci belongs with her family, you know that! Pam wanted us to come by! If they don't want me here, that's one thing, but they shouldn't do this to Traci!" John's voice was raising in pitch, along with his anger. Neither Vince nor John noticed the man that was quickly approaching them, his face red with rage.

Before giving him a chance to react, a brutish grip yanked John from Traci's grasp, swinging him toward him, and an angry fist connected with John's face, sending him tumbling backward. With him still being a few feet from the street, Johnny fell back against the curb with no time to stop himself before his head connected with the concrete with a resounding crack. Flashes of white stars, which began to fade to a grayish- black had begun, and took over his clouded thoughts and vision. Strong, vice-grip hands found their way to Johnny's throat and began to squeeze, as this person straddled the fallen man for more leverage. Consciousness was quickly diminishing, and the words that were being spoken by this enraged attacker were muddled and echo- like in Johnny's mind.

"HOW COULD YOU LET HIM DIE? HOW COULD YOU? YOU! LET! HIM! DIE! YOU LET MY SON DIE!" A crazed Dennis Burke was emphasizing each word as he was trying to strangle the life out of John Gage. Traci was screaming for her father to stop, and Vince was doing his level best to pull him off.

"Dad! DADDY! STOP! STOPPIT! Please! PLEASE! DADDY! Noooo! You're gonna kill him!" Traci's desperate pleas were ignored as she pulled frantically at her father, while Vince decided more physical measures were needed, and semi-tackled the man, forcing him to release his grip on the now barely-conscious Gage.

Traci was immediately at Johnny's side, and pretty much inconsolable at what her father had done. She was begging with Johnny to stay awake, and John was fighting through the fog he found himself in to find her.

A sound of sirens could be heard in the distance. A curtain slightly pulled back in the Burke house to watch the fray, slowly fluttered closed. Vince was still physically restraining Mr. Burke, trying to calm him. Traci was trying not to panic as she talked to Johnny, squeezing his hand, hoping to get him to react to her. She carefully ran her fingers through his hair, only to see them streaked with blood as she pulled them away. His breathing was raspy, and dread was starting to overtake her.

A sense of relief washed over Traci as a red squad pulled up, bearing the number 51 on the side, and a familiar face jumped out of the cab, and raced to her side, and that of his fallen best friend…


	3. Chapter 3

Remaining professional was difficult for Roy. Bellingham was pulling the equipment out of the squad, and Roy was trying to assess the situation as calmly as possible, which was becoming harder by the minute, with Mr. Burke trying to break free from Vince's grasp, and Traci clinging to John's hand for dear life. Roy was trying to focus on the situation at hand – Johnny's condition.

"Johnny, can you hear me? Johnny, hey, Com'on, junior…" Roy began his ministrations gently over his friend. Traci was beckoning to John as well, adding more confusion to an already chaotic scene. Another officer had arrived, and had urged Traci to give Roy room to work, and eased her away, but not without protest. Roy gave a grateful nod. The officer was hoping to bring a calm to this building storm.

"Hey, stay with me. Johnny?" Urgency rose in Roy's voice. He knew his friend was wanting to slide into oblivion. Johnny's head began to move slightly from side to side, not wanting to give in to the darkness.

"Mmmmnnn.." was the only response Johnny could manage. It wasn't good enough for Roy. He began barking orders to Bellingham to get vitals, and to help get his neck and spine stabilized. Roy was not resting until Johnny communicated with him. Slight moans were his only responses. Flicking his penlight in John's eyes elicited a weak movement of John's hand, as if he were trying to push Roy's hand away, which gave Roy some hope of recognition.

Traci was trying to hurry the officer along so that she could get to John, but the questioning was preventing her from being where she wanted to be, along with her fathers' ranting. It was obvious that the incredible rift caused by her stepmother over the past few years had now escalated to this violent crescendo, and Traci wanted to escape, to take care of John. She truly needed to get alone with her dad, but not like this, not now. Not here.

After what seemed like an eternity, the ambulance arrived, and Johnny was carefully loaded, with Roy riding along. Traci was adamant about going in too, so the officer agreed to bring Traci to Rampart, as he needed to finish his report and get a statement from John as soon as he was able.

Riding in the ambulance, Roy continued to keep after Johnny to talk to him.

"Hey Johnny, Can you hear me? Still with me, Junior?"

"Mmmmmmm..…Rrrooyyy? " A groggy whisper answered.

Roy was busy taking John's vitals, keeping a watchful eye.

"Ya, junior. Need you to open your eyes. Can you do that? Do you know what happened? Come on."

John was doing his best, but it was an exhausting challenge. The light wasn't his friend. Roy shielded his eyes to help his effort.

"Johnny, help me out, you're doin' great, open your eyes, talk to me!"

"Hhhhurss, Rrroy. Mmm be ss-sick," John was trying to swallow convulsively, sending Roy into action. He and the ambulance attendant turned Johnny just in time. Roy was hurting for his friend. Not just because of his injuries, but because of the turmoil happening to him. He already knew that he was doubting himself, and questioning protocol when it came to Drew, but now this attack, added to the rift in the Burke family, it was going to be even more difficult.

After updating Dr. Brackett, the ambulance backed into the bay, and Dixie was there, leading Roy and Johnny into Treatment Room 3.

With a flurry of professionalism, Dr. Brackett and Joe Early began running their tests, poking, prodding, trying to make John answer them. John had failed to respond to them verbally, only getting weak moans with the sternal rub from Kel Brackett. Lifting John's eyelids, Joe Early flicked his light into Johnny's dark brown eyes, getting a sluggish response. Checking his ears and nose for spinal fluid, Joe was happy that there was none. Roy started another IV, and Dixie drew a redtop which she promptly ran to the lab. Kel and Joe began checking reflexes, along with other responses. The X-Ray technician was entering the room When Dixie returned, and Dixie decided to escort Roy to the lounge, hoping to distract him with some much needed coffee and conversation. Dixie was also hoping to see if Traci had arrived, as she knew she was going to need a friend too.

Roy shuffled into the lounge with noticeable frustration, and slumped into an awaiting chair.

"I don't get any of this, Dix. This is about Drew, and Pam. How did this happen? An officer died this morning, a wife lost her husband. A little child will never see her daddy again. This is about what Pam needs, and about family being together. " Roy ran a tired hand over his face.

"I don't know, Roy, grief can do strange things to people. Everyone is hurting. What about Traci? Where is she?" asked Dixie in a soothing manner.

Roy stared at his coffee as if looking for answers.

"She is riding in with the officer. She's a mess, Dix. Can't blame her, after seeing her father attack Johnny like that. This is such a horrible mess!"

Traci soon rushed into the lounge and grabbed Roy's hand, being too emotional to speak, searching his eyes for the answer she longed for. Dixie stood and gently patted her arm. Traci's tears rendered her unable to speak at the moment. Roy helped to guide her to a chair, while Dixie got her some water. Traci accepted it gratefully, and took a deep breath to calm herself. Still grasping her hand in support, Roy offered a weak smile.

"Better now?" Dixie asked.

"Y-yes, I think s-so. How is he? H-how bad…" Traci's voice trailed off thinking about what had happened to the love of her life. She did her best to regain herself. Dixie placed a calming hand on her shoulder as she spoke.

"Kel and Joe are with him. You know they are the best, Traci. They want to rule out a skull fracture, and damage to the throat and back. They are taking X-rays and running several tests. He was semi- conscious, vitals were stable. I'm going back to see how he's doing. You two wait here. I'll be back as soon as we know something."

"Thanks, Dix. " Roy nodded in appreciation. Traci gave Dixie's hand a gentle squeeze as it rested on her shoulder before she left. It was all she could manage at this point.

Roy rose to refill his coffee, as his had grown cold – again. He offered some to Traci, who refused. She felt pretty wired as it was. Roy decided that pacing was a better activity than sitting at this point. Traci decided to break the silence.

"What am I going to do, Roy? The funeral will be in a few days, with all the ceremony and honor that Drew deserves, and there is no way this mess will be fixed by then. That man on the front lawn, h-he wasn't the man I grew up with. He never would have done that. The man that raised me was gentle, and sweet, and decent. Just like my brother,.." Traci's voice started to crack with emotion.

Roy pretended not to notice.

"I know it isn't any of my business, and you can tell me so, but, what caused them to stop talking to you?" Roy asked cautiously.

Traci took a deep breath.

"I guess it all started about 3 years ago when my dad married Nancy. Everything changed. Drew and I were happy for him, we wanted him to be happy, but she was very jealous. She wanted to control every aspect of his life. She wanted everything to do with his past removed from his life. She started to get rid of mom's things without telling us, burning pictures, selling my mom's jewelry, and then lied to dad about it. She had dad so fooled and he believed everything she said. She even isolated him from Drew and me. "

Traci took a sip of water and took a breath to collect herself as the memories flooded her mind.

" Drew had moved here, but I was still at home. I really tried to get along with her, for dad's sake, but nothing worked. She was being cruel to dad, and started spending dad's money – especially the insurance money, and when I told my dad to open his eyes, there was a big fight between the 3 of us. She told him to choose, and he did. He chose her. I left the next day and came here. I stayed with Drew and Pam until I found a job and a place to live. The rest is, as they say, history. I had tried to contact my dad so many times, but Nancy always interfered." Traci wiped the fresh tears that had fallen from her eyes. She got up and looked again at the clock on the wall.

"God, Roy. What's happening? Why is it taking so long? " Traci began to pace.

Roy tried not to look worried. He checked his watch.

"You know how thorough Joe and Kel are. I'm sure they will be in here any minute letting us know that Johnny is giving them a hard time. You know what a terrible patient Johnny is!"

Traci and Roy each smiled a little – something they both needed, and both secretly prayed that Roy was right.

Just as Roy was about to go out and find out for himself, Joe Early and Dixie entered the lounge, with Dr. Brackett trailing behind them. Traci and Roy tried to read the doctors' faces. Dixie's face wasn't giving any clues either. Roy decided to break the silence.

"Joe, how is he? Doc? "

Dr. Early took a deep breath before speaking…


	4. Chapter 4

"All things considered, he is doing well, Roy. He has a moderate concussion, no sign of a skull fracture. We put 12 stitches in the back of his head behind his left ear. no serious damage to the neck and throat, although his voice will be hoarse and raspy for a couple days. He has severe bruising of his back and left shoulder, but no dislocations or breaks. We think he was lucky enough to hit with his shoulder before his head, which prevented him from getting a skull fracture. He is a lucky man, our Johnny. He's regained consciousness somewhat, but he's quite groggy. "

Roy and Traci took a collective sigh of relief.

"We are getting him settled upstairs, then you can see him. Roy, a word, please?" Dr. Brackett's serious tone led Roy to believe that there was something he didn't want Traci to know.

Dixie put a gentle arm around Traci's shoulder.

"Come on, Traci, Dr. Early and I will take you up. Let's give Roy and Kel some privacy."

"Sure, Doc. " Roy waited in the lounge wondering what Dr. Brackett wanted to share in private.

Dr. Brackett closed the door after everyone left, leaving Roy to wonder about their impending discussion. Dr. Brackett turned pensively, and folded his arms across his chest, while Roy shuffled his foot on an imaginary spot on the floor in front of him.

"Roy, I'm concerned about John's recovery. With Drew's death, John questioning protocol, worrying about Traci, wondering if he did all he could, and now, this attack? Bellingham told me that Drew's father was blaming John for Drew's death. When John regained consciousness, he kept saying he was sorry. I didn't want to discuss this in front of Traci. She has enough to deal with right now."

Roy turned and quietly watched the silent rain fall at the window in the lounge. He knew physically his friend would make a full recovery, but the rest? He was trying to take in everything Brackett was telling him. He took a long, thoughtful deep breath.

"I know, Doc. But I'm hoping we can help him and Traci through it all. It will help if he knows Traci's alright. If there were only a way to bring the family together…" Roy sighed and lost himself in the rain.

"How much longer before you have to go back on duty?" inquired Brackett.

Roy looked at his watch, and gave an audible sigh.

"I have another hour before Bellingham is picking me up. I think I'll head up and spend some time with him." Dr. Brackett gave Roy a reassuring pat on the shoulder and followed him out of the lounge.

She had been watching him breathe in and out, and had lost track of time. His long, dark lashes stood closed against his now pale skin. Her hand desperately held his, afraid to let go. Her mind replayed everything vividly again and again. Traci was so tired, but was also afraid to give in and rest her eyes. She wanted to be awake when Johnny opened his eyes. Maybe she was already sleeping. That would explain this whole thing as an incredible nightmare. It had to be. It would explain why her brother was so tragically taken away from his family. It would explain her fathers' irrational behavior; his violent attack on Johnny, why he was completely turning his back on his children. She gently leaned in and brushed her lips against his cheek, and whispered her words of love in his ear. The fingers on his left hand moved slowly in response to her voice.

A nurse entered and did a customary check of his IV, his nasal cannula, checked his pulse, and was checking his BP when Roy entered the room. Traci turned and met his gaze with a forced half smile.

"How's he doin'?" Roy asked.

"He's resting now, but he's so restless. " Traci answered, trying not let her emotions overtake her. Roy patted her shoulder in reassurance. The nurse quietly finished, charted her findings, and left. Roy picked up the chart and read it, and nodded in approval.

"Doin' good junior, now you just need to get better so that we can take you home. Everything will be fine, Junior, you'll see. Traci's fine. She's right here with ya, I'm here with you too. We need you with us." Roy placed a gentle hand on John's forehead to check for a temperature.

At that moment, John's eyes fluttered open, and tried to find the familiar voices . His heavy eyelids made it difficult. John moaned, and it sounded like John was trying to speak.

"T-traay… Mmmnnn ….oooyy?"

Roy and Traci looked at each other, hopeful at what they heard.

"Johnny? Sweetheart? Open your eyes! Baby, Open your eyes!" Traci was gently coaxing John, and Roy was encouraging him as well.

"Hey, Junior, time to wake up now. "

John's eyes fluttered once again more successfully, this time staying open, trying to find something or someone to focus on. Roy reached up and turned off the light directly over John's bed, thinking it would help with less brightness for John's strained eyes. He took the opportunity to hit the call button, and started to check his vitals at the same time. He turned his face towards Roy's voice. Not quite focusing, but still finding the general direction.

Come on, buddy. Come back to us. We need you to wake up – open your eyes. That's it. You can do it." Roy pleaded.

Kel Brackett and Dixie came into the room, quite happy to see their favorite patient making his way back to those he loves. Dr. Brackett made his way over to John Gage and pulled the penlight from his pocket.

"Well, it's about time you woke up. Dix, page Joe. Why don't you guys let us check out our friend, here."

Traci was reluctant to leave, but was happy to see his beautiful eyes were fully open. She leaned in to give John a kiss, and a lone tear slid from her eye. John and Traci managed to lock eyes.

"Nooo, donn -crrryy…." Whispered John. Traci smiled and gave a relieved half chuckle.

"I'm just so glad to have you back. I love you so much." Traci kissed him, and quietly left with Roy. In the hall, all pent up emotion was released, and Traci began to cry. Leaning against the wall, Traci buried her face in her hands, embarrassed by her outburst.

"I'm sorry Roy. I was just so worried about him. I just wasn't sure what would happen, if he..," her voice trailed off as she regained herself.

"Don't apologize, Traci. Believe me, I understand. I should call the station and let the guys know, and Jo, too. You okay for a couple minutes?" Roy asked as he held her arm, as he walked her to the lounge.

"Sure Roy. Now that he's awake, I'm okay. Go ahead." Traci smiled and Roy went off to make his phone calls.

Traci found the emptiness of the lounge a good way to catch her breath. She sat heavily on the couch, deep in thought, weary in bone, heavy in heart. Her prayer for Johnny had been answered – he was going to be okay, at least physically. God, she loved him. More than life itself. She was so heartbroken about, well, everything. She wanted to properly grieve for Drew. For Pam. For the baby. Oh God, that poor baby. Traci's mind was racing with one thought after another. She didn't hear the door open, as Dixie entered and made her way to the coffee pot. She drew two cups of the steaming hot brew, and wandered over to her friend on the couch.

John settled into his pillow, eyes closed. The MS that had been administered into his IV by Dr. Early was slowly seeping into his bloodstream, and he was waiting for the pounding in his head to ease. His neck and shoulder throbbed in tempo with his head. Willing the medication to work was only half the problem; getting his clouded mind to shut off was the other half. He was trying to put the events together in his jumbled head, but he was having trouble discerning what was real.

"_Johnny, tell Pam she's the best.. thing.. that…ever.. happened .…"_

_"Why did you let me die, Johnny?"_

_"Johnny, you let my husband die…"_

_"I can't love someone who wouldn't save my brother…"_

_"YOU LET HIM DIE! YOU. LET. MY. SON. DIE!"_

John jolted himself awake, breathing heavily, holding his throbbing head. Realizing it was a bad dream, John worked carefully at trying to calm himself down, and closed his eyes, willing his head to stop thumping. Slowly he felt himself drift back into a fitful sleep.

Quietly, the door opened, so not to disturb the patient. John was restlessly slumbering, obviously caught up in another dream of torment. She reached out and took his hand gently. She wanted him to know she was there. She drew in a deep breath, wishing she could make things better; go back and undo all the horrendous events that had transpired. She gently touched the side of his face, as another tear slid down her cheek. John stirred, and his eyes began to open. His blurred vision began to clear, and tears began to fill his own eyes when he saw her.

"Pam…"


	5. Chapter 5

"Shhhh, John…It's okay. Don't try to talk. You need to rest." Pam tried to calm John as his breathing was becoming increasingly rapid.

"Pam, s-so s-sorry. Drew, I-I tried, I couldn't…" John's voice wouldn't support his words. His breathing became labored. "He, He was hurt so badly, I wanted to, to…"

Roy re-entered the room, and saw his friend struggling, and went to adjust his oxygen, and tried to calm him.

"Easy, Johnny. Take some deep breaths. Don't talk. It's okay. " He instinctively took his wrist, and tried to get him settled in. Noticing Pam's state, Roy pulled a chair around for her, and helped her into it. He grabbed the cup on the side table near John's bed, and disappeared into the bathroom, only to return with some cool water for her. She gratefully accepted.

"You alright? Can I get you anything?" She gave him a grateful smile, and a shake of the head.

"No, nothing. Thank you. Is John alright? Johnny?" John turned his gaze to Pam. His heart was broken for her. He mustered what voice he could.

"M okay. Juss' worried… 'bout you 'n Traci." John got his breathing under control, and settled back into his bed, closing his eyes for a moment to regain himself.

"You, 'Kay? Traci, w- we, wanted to be with you," John felt his head spinning again, and made himself draw some deep breaths. Roy stepped up in case his friend needed him.

Pam took a deep breath.

"I have been trying to make the arrangements, but everything I do, Nancy, she, takes over, she changes what I want for Drew. It's so hard, Johnny. I-I'm having such a hard time,.."

Pam drops her head and begins to cry. John squeezes her hand.

"I can't deal with it all, I j-just want to go, to get away. I don't know what to do, John. I can't stay there with them anymore. I just can't!" Pam dissolved into more tears. Roy hands her a tissue from the box on the side table. John tries to sit up to help her. Roy put a calming hand on his shoulder, also a reminder to him to stay put.

"Please, don't worry. 'm leavin by t'morrow, I'll t-take care of, of evrythin', I-I promise." John tried to steady himself, but he wasn't fooling anyone, least of all, his partner.

"I'm taking the baby and getting away from the house. My parents are coming in tonight, so I'm going to get a room at the same hotel with them." Pam looks away to hide her emotion.

"T-the ranch..or Traci's, why not s-stay there?!" John coughed out. His throat was giving out again.

"Johnny, you need to rest. You're right. Maybe staying at Traci's would help. I could get my thoughts together, make some decisions. I need to see her. Is she here?"

"She's in the lounge with Dixie, would you like me to take you to her?" Roy asked.

"No Roy, I'll find her, but thank you. You keep an eye on Johnny. Call me at Traci's when you get home, ok? We'll talk then." Pam leaned in and kissed John's forehead. They locked eyes for a moment, sharing an unspoken moment of grief for Drew, and Pam slipped out of the room to find Traci to have some time alone with her.

Roy put a disapproving hand on his hip.

"Tomorrow Junior, really? I highly doubt you'll be out of here by then. Day after, maybe."

Johnny interrupted his overprotective partner.

"I mean it, Roy. I'll go AMA, I'm gettin' out. I hafta to help Pam 'n Traci with all this." Another bout of coughing ensued, but this one didn't subside. Roy hit the call button, and turned up the oxygen and waited for Brackett to step into the room. Hopefully he could talk some sense into his friend. His wish was about to come true.

Joe Early and Kel Brackett filed into the room, and hearing Johnny's rapid breathing and raspy coughing, Kel's eyebrows quickly knit together into one furrowed, angry brow. Roy took that as his cue to step into the hall to see if Bellingham had made his way back to give him a ride back to his car. Dwyer had been chomping at the bit for any available overtime, and Roy was more than happy to oblige.

After some time passed, Roy looked up and saw Pam and Traci coming his way, arm in arm, eyes red and moist. He pretended not to notice. Traci saw Roy in the hall, and immediately thought the worst. Her pace quickened until she reached the sandy-haired paramedic.

"Roy, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Panic filled her already red- rimmed eyes.

"No, it's ok, Traci. Joe and Kel are examining him. I just decided to wait out here. How ya holdin' up?"

A big sigh escaped from an already exhausted Traci. She put a comforting arm around Pam.

" I think we're both kinda numb, and tired. I was coming to tell Johnny that Pam is going to use my apartment for awhile. I'm going to walk her down to the lobby, and be right back."

Roy eyed the women carefully. Both women definitely needed to rest.

Traci gave Roy a grateful nod, and a half hug.

"I don't know how to thank you for all you've done for Johnny, and for me. I'll be back soon." Roy just nodded, a bit embarrassed, and the women were on their way.

Vince Howard, in full uniform, made his way down the hallway to Roy, who was still leaning against the wall, waiting for the doctors to finish with Johnny.

"Hey, Roy. How's John doing?"

"Hiya Vince. This is a pleasant surprise. As well as can be expected. Here for his statement? The Doc's are with him now. They might give him something that'll make him a bit groggy, so you might have to talk fast..."

Vince looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet, and proceeded to interrupt…

"Um, 'Fraid not, Roy. This is official business. Kinda hate this part of my job. S'cuse me." Vince proceeded to go into John's room, leaving a puzzled Roy in his wake. Roy followed him cautiously, worried about what was to come.

Kel and Joe Early were finishing up their evaluation, and had just given John a small dose of a relaxant to settle him down. He was all settled back down in his bed, IV adjusted, oxygen cannula in place, even his bedding was straightened. John looked more settled than he had in quite some time.

Vince stepped in and interrupted the peaceful setting. Both doctors looked up, and told Vince that he only had a couple minutes with John.

John looked up, waiting for questions to ensue regarding the terrible situation that had landed him in the hospital. He had already vaguely talked with one officer, which he barely remembered. He did mention when he was in the ER not wanting to press charges on Drew's grief stricken father, as it would just make a horrible situation even worse, especially for Traci and Pam. He wondered if this was just a follow-up. His voice still a whisper, he greeted his friend.

"Hi Vince,h- how's it goin?" He reached out the best he could with his free hand to shake Vince's hand.

Reluctant, Vince shook Johnny's hand in return.

"Hey, John. I, uh, came here to, um, see you…"

"Thanks, Vince, nice of ya." John offered.

"Well, um, it's actually official police business, John. I, ah, have to serve you with these papers. I'm really sorry, John." Vince produced a large, sealed manila envelope, and handed it to John.

Looking confused, Roy and the concerned doctors watched John open it.

Reading it in disbelief, the little color John had managed to gain, had left his face. John looked at Vince, and then at Roy. He hands it to Roy.

"A Restraining Order…from Nancy Burke…she's barred me n' Traci from the funeral, Roy…"

Roy read it, anger rising in his face. He slammed the papers down on the side table and turned to Vince.

The doctors exchanged worried glances.

"A RESTRAINING ORDER? FROM NANCY BURKE? CAN SHE DO THAT? AND FROM THE FUNERAL? She's made it so they can't attend!"

Vince nodded, looking down at the floor.

"I know, Roy. I was shocked, too. It's effective upon John's being served. I'm so sorry, John. I guess I thought it would be better coming from me. I have a copy for Traci, too. Also, ah, Dr. Brackett, I need to speak with you if I could. It seems a formal complaint has been filed against the hospital regarding the negligent death of Drew Burke."

Unknown to everyone, a shocked Traci had entered the room and was standing in the doorway, listening in horror to what was happening.

Dr. Brackett crossed his arms and faced Vince in an angry stance.

"Oh, really? Let me guess. Filed by one Nancy Burke?"

Again, a sheepish nod and a failed attempt at eye contact was Vince's response.

Joe Early decided to respond this time.

"Don't keep us in suspense, Vince. What are the charges? Who is being charged?"

Vince nervously shuffled with his papers, and handed another envelope to Dr. Brackett. Glances were exchanged among the men as he opened it and began reading.

"Negligent homicide, unlawful use of IV treatment without authorization…what is all this?"

Well, apparently, while treating Drew at the scene, John started a second IV without getting permission from a certified Doctor from Rampart. It names Rampart General, Dr. Kelly Brackett, and John Gage. I'm sorry, Dr. Brackett, I don't agree with any of this, this woman is hell bent on doing this."

Roy jumped into the fray. "We couldn't get a clear line into Rampart! The IV was just to keep Drew going until we got him in here! Where is she getting this information?"

John's monitor started beeping in an irregular manner. His breathing became ragged. He began to struggle to get out of bed. Dr. Early and Roy began to take care of John and try to settle him down.

Traci slipped the rest of the way into the room and to John's bedside. She stroked his hair, whispered in his ear, trying to calm him, but Dr Early knew it may take more than that to settle one of his favorite paramedics this time.

A flash of anger crossed Traci's face. She reached for the manila envelope that had fallen to the floor. She looked around at all the people in the room, at all the people that her stepmother was hurting, people that were important to her, Especially at the man lying in that hospital bed; the man she loved with her whole heart. No more. She turned on her heels, and headed toward the door. She has to be stopped. She couldn't believe he father would allow such things to happen…if he even knew… She had to do something.

"Damn it…THIS ENDS, AND IT ENDS RIGHT NOW!" Traci shouted. And with that, she was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

John's eyes widened in panic. He shot Roy a worried look.

"Roy. Please. Stop her. Don' wan' her to get in trouble. Please…" Roy nodded to John, and quietly headed out after Traci. Vince followed him.

Traci was standing at the elevator, waiting for the doors to open, but not very patiently. Somehow, she thought repeatedly hitting the button would make it open quicker. Roy met up with her there.

"Traci, please wait!" Roy reached for Traci's arm.

"Roy, don't try to stop me! I have had enough of this! She has to be stopped!" Traci's anger and tears were quite evident, as she waved the papers around. Vince caught up with them.

"Traci, I know you're upset, and I understand. But that is a Restraining Order. Think about it. She can have you arrested if you show up there. That isn't going to help the situation. Think this through." Vince reasoned. Traci began to pound harder on the elevator button, getting more and more frustrated.

"Com'on, let's go sit down and calm down. Please?" Roy looked pleadingly into Traci's fiery eyes. The last thing she needed was for Nancy to have her thrown in jail. Traci's shoulders slumped in acceptance of what Roy was saying. Roy led her to a cluster of burnt orange plastic chairs, and gently guided her into one of them. She slumped down in defeated resignation and tears. Vince followed in silence. He tried to remain impartial, but in his heart, he was siding with his friends. He wanted to help. Roy sat next to her, hoping to offer some solace.

"Listen, Traci. I know it isn't much, but I will be leaving in a few minutes to pick up my car. Maybe after you and I both get some rest, I could, you know, talk to Mr. Burke? Maybe you're right. Maybe he doesn't know about this, and it can all be worked out. But right now, you need to rest. Maybe I can come back and give you a ride, or Vince could drop you off at the ranch, or your apartment?"

Traci was already vigorously shaking her head, and Roy knew where this was headed.

"No, Roy, I can't. He needs me. I'll rest a bit in the lounge or something. I need to be with John. Things are just too crazy right now. I can't, I won't…" Traci couldn't hold it together any longer, and dropped her head in her hands. Roy cast a glance at Vince. Vince gave a nod to Roy.

"Well, I have to get back. I'll be in touch, Roy. Traci, take care of yourself." He patted her arm, and Vince headed out.

The Elevator opened and as Vince was about to get in, Bellingham, clad in his street attire, stepped out. Roy nodded in his direction, and Bellingham headed towards Roy. Seeing the situation, Bellingham kept his distance, and leaned against the wall near the chairs.

As Traci pulled herself together, she noticed that Roy's ride was waiting, stood up, ready to go back to Johnny's room. Dr's. Early and Brackett were exiting just as they were approaching, which of course, made Traci anxious.

"How is he? Is he ok?" She asked. Dr. Brackett put a hand on Traci's shoulder to calm her.

"He'll be better knowing that you are still here . He was pretty upset when you left. We got him settled in, and he's supposed to be resting. While we're on the subject, I'm about to make that an order for you, young lady!" Brackett scowled at her.

"I'll rest, I promise. I just have to be with him. Roy talked me out of running off. I'm gonna go stay with him. Thank you, Roy, again, for everything." With that, Traci slipped back into John's room.

Roy let a deep sigh escape from his tired body. A crisis averted. For now. He turned and headed towards Bellingham, and eventually home. He hoped to help Johnny figure things out later, after some sleep. They were going to need him, and they were going to need him with a clear mind.

Hours later, Roy entered John's room, trying to be extremely quiet, hoping to find his partner asleep. Not at all surprised, he found him awake, holding the hand of the woman he loved. She had rested her head on John's bed, and had finally given in to the sheer exhaustion that had overtaken her mind and body.

Roy and John locked eyes, and John brought a finger from his free hand to his lips, to "shush" Roy from talking. He wanted Traci to rest as much as possible. Roy shook his head at his best friend. Leave it to Johnny to make sure that Traci slept. He highly doubted that Johnny slept like he was supposed to.

Roy made his way over to John's bedside, taking note of John's condition. The dark circles under his eyes didn't go un-noticed. Roy whispered, so not to disturb a slumbering Traci.

"How are ya, Junior?" He already knew the answer, as he checked John.

John shrugged, which he immediately regretted, remembering his sore shoulder, and winced. He nodded in Traci's direction.

"She's exhausted. Wish she'd go rest." He whispered back, then looked at his best friend.

"You, too, Pally." Johnny's soft brown eyes peered into tired blue ones.

"I'm okay junior. I'm Just taking care of my little brother. We'll get through this. You know that, right?" Roy placed a comforting hand on John's arm. John cast his eyes downward. He wasn't so sure. He looked over at the love of his life.

"I want to believe that, for her." John whispered.

"What have the Docs' said? Can you go home soon?" Roy asked hopefully.

"I wanted to talk to you about that, Roy…they said maybe tomorrow. I can't wait that long. ' Mm tired of doin' nothing, Roy. I have to get out of here." John's injured throat, betrayed him, and he began to cough. Traci stirred, and sat up, concerned for him. She reached for the water on his side table, and held it steady for him as he drank. She stroked his cheek, and leaned in and kissed him.

"Better, sweetheart? You okay?" She looked into his tired, restless eyes. John nodded, but neither Roy nor Traci were convinced.

"Seems my partner here thinks he should be leaving this establishment. He thinks he's well enough to take care of himself and everyone else." Roy flashed a " tattle-tale" grin in Johnny's direction. Traci glared at John for all she was worth. Roy smirked at his partner. He knew what was coming. He had been with Joanne long enough to know when a woman had reached her limit, and when it was time to grab on to something and hang on, because it was coming….

John tried to opened his mouth and explain himself, but before any words came out, Traci interrupted.

"Excuse me? What makes you think you are going anywhere before Dr. Brackett clears you? With that head injury, you can't stand up unassisted, let alone even walk straight. You aren't keeping food down very well, Your shoulder is injured, and you can barely speak without hurting, You've hardly slept, and when you finally did, you had a terrible nightmare. Nope. nuh uh. You are staying put John Roderick Gage, even if I have to sit on you myself! I love you, babe, but there is NO way I'm letting you leave here tonight! END OF STORY!"

John's eyes got big as saucers, and Traci took John's face in her hands and kissed him gently. Roy snorted a laugh, and Johnny shot him an 'I'll get even' look in his direction. Roy shrugged.

"Sorry Junior, it's for your own good. You need a good night's rest, and then we'll see about getting you home. I promise! In fact, You could use some sleep and a decent meal yourself, Traci. How about I drive you back to the ranch so that both of you get some rest. Then tomorrow we can see about bustin' you out of here. Deal?"

Traci and John both looked at each other. They knew Roy was right. Everything was just too overwhelming, and nothing could be done tonight. They could work together on things tomorrow.

They both agreed, and Roy stepped into the hall, to give them some privacy to say their goodbyes. A few moments later, Traci joined Roy, and they slipped onto the elevator, and out of the hospital. A nurse went into John's room and did a quick routine check of his vitals, and got him settled in for the night. She administered his pain medication into the IV port, straightened his bed linens, and slipped out of the room. John saw his chance.

John bent his IV tubing, pinching off the flow. He grabbed some tissue from the bedside table, and expertly removed his IV, jammed the Kleenex into the crook of his arm, and bent it. He removed his nasal cannula, and laid it on his pillow. He quickly grabbed more tissue, trying to stop the bleeding from his arm.

Luckily, the nurse had left the bedrail down in her rush to complete her rounds, so that part in making his escape was going to be easy. He gingerly eased his legs over the side of the bed, having a bout of dizziness wash over him. He squeezed his eyes shut in hopes of it passing quickly. He eased himself up slowly, leaving one hand on the edge of the bed as he eased himself toward where he hoped his clothes would be. He shuffled as quietly as he could.

He paused at the end of the bed. Progress. He got to the closet and retrieved his clothes and painfully dressed himself. It hurt like Hell, but getting out of here was more than worth any pain. He tucked the manila envelope under his shirt. The room was starting to spin, and his nausea was returning with a vengeance. He took a deep breath and continued on his mission.

He leaned against the wall of the room, and cracked open the door, peering carefully out into the hall. The nurses at the station had their backs to his room. He saw the elevator down to the left. Could he make it? He poked his head out quickly in the other direction. He couldn't believe his luck! The coast was clear, and the stairway was right there. He pulled his head back in, and all at once, the nurses decided to leave their station, coffee cups in hand. It was now or never.

John slipped out of his room along the wall for support, and into the stairwell, a trail of blood droplets followed him from his arm. He paused in the stairwell to sit and gather himself. Sweat beaded on forehead and upper lip. He could make it. He was hoping he wouldn't be recognized. He just had to make it out of the hospital and call a cab. Another set of stairs, and he'd be home free. Well, almost. He heard footsteps and pinned himself against the wall and held his breath. False alarm.

Ground floor. It seemed to have taken forever, but he was there. His head was pounding. He carefully opened the door, and checked to see who was out there. Another break. No one he recognized. The blood that was trickling from his arm was dripping a bit faster than before onto the floor. He hid his arm behind him. He stood as straight as he could, and walked with a gentle smile, and a nod of hello to a passerby out the front entrance of Rampart General Hospital.


	7. Chapter 7

Feeling he was home free, John leaned heavily against the rough textured brick wall of the outside of the hospital, inhaling the coolness of the night air into his lungs, taking some time to breathe and collect himself.

The scenery illuminated by the lights of the parking lot in front of him kept hazing in and out of his vision. He leaned forward and rested the heels of his hands on his knees, hoping everything would once again come into focus, and his stomach would turn right side up.

Feeling the sticky wetness under his hand, he picked it up, and noticed the blood that had trickled down his arm and pooled there. Damn. Another issue to deal with was finding a payphone to call the person he wanted to see, and get a cab. He fished around in his pocket, retrieved some change, and began his search so he could complete his getaway.

Feeling a little more steady, he made his way to the corner of the parking garage, making sure not to be seen by anyone, and found the payphone. He dialed the very familiar number and tried to muster up more of his voice, and waited.

"… Um, Hello, this is Johnny… Y-yes, I know... Um... okay…I sure c-could use some decent coffee, if –y-you want to.….Ah,…the one on Wilson?…20 minutes? Ok, see ya then…"

He pushed the lever down, and dropped another dime in the slot and called a cab. After giving the name of the all- night coffee shop, and then the hospital, he slipped back around the corner, and rested in the shadows for his ride.

A nurse on Johnny's floor poked her head into his room. A lumpy pillow under the covers, and the lights turned off by his bed, led her to believe that her charge for the evening was finally asleep.

Being in a hurry, not really caring, and add to that, her wanting to get back to her romance novel, and of course, wanting to catch up on the latest gossip at the nurses' station, she just gave a shrug and leaned back out of the room. She'd just get his vitals later. After all, they wanted him to sleep anyway, right? Dr. Brackett ordered pain meds if needed, as far as she knew. She had only glanced at the chart. She would read that later, also. And if he was sleeping,…he didn't need them, right? So why wake him? Just being cost effective…

Dr. Brackett arrived at Rampart an hour early at 6 a.m., and went straight to Johnny's floor. He stopped at the nurses' station, and grabbed his chart, to see what kind of night he'd had. He didn't recognize the nurse sitting at the desk, who'd been startled at his approach. Being caught with her latest book instead of doing her job was definitely going to cost her. Her plan to "update and fudge" the charts had just gone out the window.

"Nurse Baker! What do you think you're doing!? This chart hasn't been updated since 0-100! When was the last time Mr. Gage received pain meds? They were suppose to be administered through IV every 4-6 hours! What was his last BP reading? 02 reading? And his nausea? He was to receive a dose of Phenergan at 0-300 for nausea… What about the Neuro check results every two hours? What have you and your friends been doing all night?!" His face was becoming bright red with rage.

"I want the names of EVERY nurse that worked this station this shift, and there is going to be a meeting with Miss McCall before you all leave today, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!?"

Nurse Baker stammered with embarrassment, and began to worry about her future at Rampart General.

"Y-yessir, Dr. Brackett. I-I'll get t-those for you r-right away…b-but when I checked on him., he was a- as-sleep… s-so I juss t th-thought…"

Dr. Brackett interrupted her incessant nasally whine that he couldn't stand to hear, and slammed the chart onto the counter in disgust.

'THESE CHARTS HAVE EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS ON THEM FOR THE PATIENTS, AND THEY ARE TO BE FOLLOWED TO THE LETTER, AND NOT ACCORDING TO WHAT CHAPTER YOU ARE ON IN YOUR LATEST TRASHY NOVEL! BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT AFTER TODAY, YOU WILL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO CATCH UP ON ALL THE READING YOU WISH! YOU ARE DISMISSED TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM!" Kel Brackett dialed the phone and paged Joe Early to meet him in John's room. He angrily snatched the incomplete chart from the counter .

Dr. Brackett stormed off and headed to Johnny's room. As he entered, he noticed how dark it was, and hit the light. The lopsided lump in the bed did not escape his trained eye. He quickened his pace to the bedside, and threw off the covers. His already enraged mood escalated to a whole new level, as he eyed the hospital-issued pillow lying where one John Gage was supposed to be. Kel Brackett raced out of the room to the nurses' station. Heads were going to roll. Johnny's being one of them. He quickly began to make some phone calls.

"Hello?...Hey Doc….Is Johnny Alright?...WHAT!?...I can be there in 20 minutes!" Roy lept out of bed in a panic.

What in the hell happened? How could Johnny be missing? A knot formed in the pit of Roy's stomach. What if something bad happened, if John had wandered off, was lying hurt somewhere, or if Dennis Burke had tried to finish what he started?

Rampart was a flurry of activity in John's room by the time Roy arrived. Dixie had arrived and had hauled her nurses into the conference room, security was assembled, and the dried blood droplets were being followed, hoping to discover John's whereabouts, and if there had been foul play.

Dr. Brackett suggested getting in touch with Traci, but Roy wondered if they should hold off until they found out more. How much more could Traci handle right now? They agreed to wait a bit.

Security (and Vince Howard) determined that no sign of a struggle was present, as it was evident that the IV was removed with care by someone that knew something about IV's, and with John's clothing and personal effects missing, along with the droplets of blood that led down the stairwell and out the entrance of the hospital, this was leading them to believe that John walked right out the main entrance of the hospital. Dr. Brackett, Roy, and Dixie also determined that they were personally going to strangle the aforementioned John Roderick Gage!

Roy decided it was time to call Traci, and gently break it to her as calmly as he could. He explained things to her, and as he suspected, she wanted to join the search. Roy also explained that maybe she should stay at the ranch in case he showed up there.

Vince issued an APB on John for safety reasons, as not enough time had passed to declare him missing.

The search was on.

John's 'brothers' from 51's were checking some of his favorite places, hoping to find him. Roy even braved Pam and Drew's home, only to encounter Nancy Burke, and promptly had the door slammed in his face.

Traci was pacing nervously in John's living room, worrying about him. A couple hours had passed since Roy had called. Johnny wasn't really in any shape to be running around doing God-knows-what. She had to find him. She had to help him. What was he doing? Where did he go?

A yellow cab pulled up in front of Johnny's ranch. He handed some cash to the driver, and two people slid out of the vehicle.

Slowly, John lumbered to the front door. It was obvious that the Johnny needed some rest. He wasn't going to be able to continue much longer. Supported by his companion, he made it to the porch.

He reached for the doorknob, and turned. Traci, being startled, went to the door, and opened it.

Seeing her love, she gasped, and practically lept into his arms, and dissolved into tears. John held onto her as if his life depended on it, forgetting his injuries existed at that moment. He was where he belonged.

"Johnny, My God, I was so scared! Oh, babe, I love you so much…"

John whispered to her with what was left of his voice.

"Oh sweetheart, I've missed you…I love you." They lost themselves in each other, hanging on for dear life. Johnny slowly eased her back into the livingroom.

After a few moments, Traci became aware of someone's presence with them. John swayed a bit, and the person who came in with John stepped up to help. Traci looked over to see who was extending a hand and gasped at what she saw.

"D-Daddy?"

Traci stood in wide-eyed shock, staring into the face of her father...


	8. Chapter 8

She stood frozen in place, as her father, the man who so violently attacked Johnny, was now the one who was so carefully helping him to the couch, gently helped him get settled. Traci adjusted a few pillows to make sure John was comfortable, and went to get him some water from the kitchen.

When she returned, she made sure to get John to drink all of the water, and take the aspirin tablets she offered him, but still kept a wearied eye on her father. Seeing the blood that had seeped through his shirt sleeve, Traci retrieved the first aid kit, and took care of the IV site and cleaned up John's arm and hands. She made sure John was comfortable, and pulled the quilt down over him, carefully tucking it around him. He had already drifted off before she was able to get him settled in. She was so thankful that he was there with her. She gently stroked his sweat-soaked hair off his forehead, quietly Thanking God that he was safe. She gently kissed him before rising from his side.

Traci stood and watched John for a few minutes, making sure he was breathing okay, and had settled into a deep slumber. She turned, and looked up into the face of her father.

She tipped her head toward the slider door leading to the deck. She didn't want their conversation to wake Johnny. Dennis Burke nodded in return, and retreated to the deck. Traci made her way to the phone first, and dialed Roy's number, knowing that he must be frantic by now.

"Yes, Roy, he seems alright. He's beyond exhausted. He's sleeping now. If you could come by soon and check him out, I would be so grateful…No, I don't think we need the squad. Please let everyone know where he is… Oh Yes, I will be dealing with him myself later! Thanks so much, Roy!" After Traci hung up the phone, she grabbed two glasses of iced tea, and headed out to deal with her father.

She found her father taking in the scenery of John's vast acreage. His shoulders were slumped in sad resignation, lost in his thoughts. Traci put the glasses of Iced Tea on the table, and carefully approached this man she once knew. So many things had happened; so many things had been said. But somehow, here he was. And she was sure that it was all because of one John Gage. How would she ever repay him for giving her back her father?

"Daddy?" Traci whispered hesitantly.

Dennis Burke turned slowly to the daughter he missed so much. He sadly looked down at the wooden flooring of the deck.

"I wouldn't blame you if you threw me outta here. You have every right to…"

Traci took a few steps closer to her father.

"I couldn't do that. You're my father."

"I hafta say, I was surprised that John called and wanted to see me. Took a lotta guts. I was shocked when he didn't press any charges against me. He had every right to, ya know. Nancy had filled my head with so many lies about you kids…But John and I, We had a long talk. He wanted to let me know how much my little girl missed me and loved me, and how hard all of this has been for you not to have me in your life, How important family is. He insisted on bringing me here. Wouldn't take no for an answer. You've got a good man there, Traci, a real good man." Traci smiled with pride. She knew how wonderful he was. He never ceased to amaze her.

Dennis Burke's face saddened with his memories.

"After your mom died, I just gave up. I didn't want to get up in the morning. You and Drew, you were all grown up, and could handle yourselves, were building your own lives. But your mom n' me…we had made so many plans, and the day she died, I died too." Traci slipped up behind her father and put her arm around his waist, as the tears began to fall. Memories began to flood back of that fateful day of her mom's fatal stroke.

"I didn't realize it at the time when I was trying to handle things with the bank, but Nancy was watching me. She had been determined to get her hooks into me from the minute I made my first insurance deposit at her window. I guess I just liked having someone be nice and pay attention me. You know, make a fuss over me. I guess a small part of me knew what she was doing, but a bigger part of me didn't care enough to live without your mom anymore. And then when we got word about Drew, she just wanted to know what our share of the insurance money was going to be. Nancy was so unemotional, so cold. And then she wanted to find a way to blame John, and the Hospital, figure out a way to sue them…I just became so angry. Oh, God, my son…My Drew…" Dennis crumpled into Traci's arms in tears.

Both Dennis and Traci grieved together for the first time since that horrible day, clinging to each other, reconnecting.

John silently lay on the couch, tears rolled silently from his eyes. He was thankful for the peace Traci and her father were able to find with each other.

They stood for some time on the deck, comforting each other, talking about Traci's mom, reminiscing, making up for lost time, promising to not allow any distance between them ever again.

A loud, abrupt knock on the door startled John, and brought Traci and Dennis in from the deck. John started to get up, But Dennis offered to get the door, allowing Traci to go be with Johnny.

An unhappy and red-faced Roy DeSoto entered the room, with a look on his face that made one think he was planning to inflict further injury on his best friend for all the grief that he had caused. But seeing him alive and well made the anger melt away. He made his way to the couch to make sure he was truly alright.

"Hey, Junior. You okay?" Roy began to check him over, being fully prepared of course, having brought his personal medical equipment from home. Roy took John's vitals, not once but twice, and sat and glared at his partner.

"Do you have any idea the trouble you've caused? Brackett turned Rampart upside down looking for you! That pillow stunt was pretty lame, by the way…"

John snorted a laugh, which caused a slight coughing fit. Roy just shook his head in disgust. Traci crossed her arms, mentally pondering the upcoming lecture she had in mind for her man.

"Johnny, I'd feel better if you'd go back to Rampart and let the Docs check you out. You did leave without their okay. Your BP is quite low, your pulse is thready, and you should probably have more x-rays for a re-check. I'd also be willing to bet that you're dehydrated, and I'm guessing you haven't had any solid food to speak of." Roy loosened the BP cuff again and checked John's eyes.

"Some sleep in my own bed is all I need, and some real, edible food, not that stuff they serve at Rampart…" John's raspy voice croaked out.

"Sweetheart, Roy's right. You need to get…" Traci pleaded.

"I do this for a living ya know, I know what I need!" Johnny interrupted with a cough.

"Well, the jury's still out on that one!" Roy quipped. Johnny rolled his eyes. John pinched the bridge of his nose, trying unsuccessfully to stave off his headache. Roy frowned, knowing exactly what he was trying to do.

"Honest, Roy, I'm ok. I had to take care of somethin' important. Promise, Pally. I'll get some sleep and somethin' to eat. Traci can take me to get checked out later. Okay?" John tried to look innocent to convince his best friend.

Roy glanced at Traci and Dennis, a bit confused. His confusion was quickly replaced with a grin when he saw Dennis Burke with his arm around his daughter, and Traci wearing a grateful smile. Leave it to his partner to put his own health in peril to be the peacemaker, and to try to make them a family again. His partner had defied the odds, and turned the despair of a tragic situation and found a way for something good to come out of it. They were still facing Drew's funeral, which was going to be hard on all of them, but at least now they could face it together. They could rely on each other. He couldn't remember ever being more proud of his partner, his 'little brother.'

Traci and her father hugged each other. Dennis kissed the top of his daughters' head. So much time lost. He was so thankful to have his baby girl back. He was going to sternly address matters with his wife so that this never happened again.

He knew he could never repay John for caring enough to go the extra mile to restore what had been broken,… and giving him his renewed hope.


End file.
